I was on television six times last
Thursday. Did you see me? It was from the launch of Plaid’s national campaign
for the General Election here in the UK. I was sitting on the front row
right in front of the speaker’s podium. Apparently all the BBC’s main news
programmes carried footage of the event as well as it being live on Sky and
then later on Channel 4 News. Wonderful coverage. In fact I was seen more often
than our own candidate on the island, Dylan Rees!
And of course, I loved it. There is
still something deep within me that wants to be at the centre of things, wants
to be noticed, and wants to be seen. Despite all the healing I have received
over the past 2 years or more my own self-image still needs a boost from
feeling accepted and wanted.
But herein lies the problem, as some
wise person from Llanelli once said, for the journey I am on is taking me away
from the centre and to the margins. There are twin tracks to this journey:
first is that as I get more of my own stuff sorted then the need to be at
centre diminishes (though it hasn’t quite disappeared); second my theological study
is showing me the damage that has been caused to the church’s mission by being
at the centre of power in what is referred to as Christendom.
The problem is the inner turmoil
this tension is causing me. I can see the need to be on the margins – even hear
the call to be there – but somewhere deep inside there is also this need to be
in the centre. It’s not an easy place to be in, I can tell you! But something
tells me that the closer to the margins I get, the closer to Jesus I will be.
