I spent the weekend with some of the men from Pioneer People, Pensby, on their weekend away in the Conwy Valley. With the sun scorching hot and great landscape looking its best there was no doubt that we would have a very relaxing time together, and so it proved to be. What a great bunch of people they are and really going for something different as a church.

I was invited to join them in order to offer some teaching and was briefed that one of things they would like to look at was why men struggle with church more than women. In my research on this question I came across some websites that suggested that the main reason for this was that church has become too feminine. According to these sites men don’t like to sing songs that say ‘I love Jesus’, they don’t like to hear too many sermons on compassion and grace, and there is too little room for boldness and aggression.

All of which is true, of course – we do sing a lot about loving Jesus, we hear a lot about his love for us, and as for making room for aggression, well there’s no room at all in church for that. So, is this a sign of church becoming too feminine? Or could something else be kicking in for men as they struggle with church? I suggested that the question to be asked in view of the above is not ‘is church too feminine’ but rather ‘are men too masculine?’ Are men allowing the world to define masculinity for them rather than allowing God to do so?

For it seems to me from what I’ve read that one of the main issues men struggle with in church is the concept of intimacy and the need for some vulnerability before God and each other.  To label this as a feminine issue seems to miss the point altogether about developing a deep relationship with God, for it is nigh impossible to do so with being intimate with him.

Is there not a great mismatch between what today’s culture expects of men and what God expects from us? And is church not about being counter-culture and bringing the upside-down values of the Kingdom into this world? What do you think?