So it’s 2012 already. I’ve never really done the whole New Year thing and have mostly been asleep in bed as the clock strikes midnight. I think there are two reasons for this – one which is real and the other which I made up as an excuse for being a miserable sod. The latter is a wholly rational thing whereby I reason there is no real change from one day to the next just because it’s the start of a new year. And of course that’s true – but only a glum, down-in-the-mouth schmuck would ever think it.

Depressed

The real reason why I go to bed before the New Year is because I have often felt quite depressed at the thought of another year turning out like the last one. What’s to celebrate for goodness sake! So my head is full of regrets about the previous year – but they’re regrets that are never articulated or shared or spoken about. And so they’re not actual regrets about stuff that has happened – just a sense of sadness deep inside; regrets that aren’t regrets and are never owned as such.

According to this TED talk there are two kinds of people who have no regrets at all – those who are sociopaths and those with brain damage. To regret, therefore, is a sign of humanity and of wholeness.

Regrets

Our last trip down to the Isle of Wight was, for me, one of the most successful yet. I go there to get some sorting-out; to dig around in the depths of my soul for the things that cause me pain in the present and lead me to hurt others. These trips always turn up trumps for me. But a week or so after returning home this time I slipped into quite a low place; a sad place; a place of regret. Heck, I thought, these trips are supposed to make me feel better not worse!

And this morning, also, as I had breakfast in bed, with Helen beside me opening her birthday cards, my mind began to survey 2011 … and I began to articulate and speak out some of the things I regretted about the year. I won’t list them here; they’re not for public consumption. But we talked about them and put them into their proper perspective. And it’s the surest sign yet that healing has taken place.

So 2012 begins with some regrets for the past, but because of that, with a lot of hope for the future.

A Happy and Peaceful New Year to you.


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