So the plans for securing the reestablishment of ancient Britain under Welsh rule are progressing well these days – though seeing a Barry born woman become the Aussies’ first female prime minister was a bit unexpected. She used to be minister for education – thus proving her Welsh origin – but she’s also described as a straight talker, so obviously her many years down under have given her extra skills. Being a republican we can expect her to push for Australia ditching its commitment to the English royal family – thus beginning to undermine the commonwealth from the other side of the world. Excellent!

Also good to see the bung given to Fifa chief, Blatter, paid off. Don’t know how he managed it but we’ve got the quarter final we paid for. Now the England/Germany clash and the inevitable failure in penalties will further undermine English confidence and national identity. We know only too well how sport can either build or damage a nation’s soul and what better way to inflict this most cruel of cuts by getting the Germans in on the act – again.

But it is the trouble down at the parish church that is proving most interesting at the moment. We hardly thought it possible, but Rowan is proving to be such a good plant in the heart of the establishment – the Church of England. Getting him ‘elected’ Archbishop was such a stroke of genius – though he nearly blew his cover when he became a druid. The other bloke from York is doing quite well too. Not too sure if he’s Welsh, though by his accent he could be from Wrexham.

Rowan’s latest wheeze has got the sisterhood spitting feathers. And as that great Congreve quote goes, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. They’d like to be made bishops, you know. The thought of it! But they were on target for the first ordination sometime in the 2050s, despite all the protestations of some wealthy men. And then Rowan and the other guy wrote a letter insisting that the men be given the right to refuse to be covered by a female bishop – all in the name of unity. What a stroke of genius – ensuring a mighty division by appealing for Christian accord! Quite obviously, all those years in stuffy Oxbridge have served him well.

So the plan advances. We have no timetable, of course, and we’ll have to watch that that nasty Tory woman in London doesn’t push our referendum even further into the distance, but we are pleased with progress. Soon, my friends, soon. Arthur will return.

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